Trying Times
by OhxMyxStarsx
Summary: Starfire is back on earth where she belongs and all is right in the world... or is it? Now she must face the backlash that comes with losing her memories while balancing her Titan duties and her newly reignited relationship with Nightwing. Times are difficult as more and more obstacles are thrown in her way. Sequel to A New Beginning. M for language, adult situations, and violence.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi all! It's been a while, and I mean a looong time. I apologize for that. I've had a lot of issues with the way my story A New Beginning turned out. First of all, if you haven't noticed, I changed the ending. All you need to know is that they haven't gone back to the Tower yet. If you've never read A New Beginning, you will not understand a lot of what I'll be referring to in this story._

_You will see a lot of differences in my writing style, such as "said" instead of "says" and overall just more past tense phrases. I made a lot of big no-no's in my first story so I'm trying to right all my wrongs with this one. I have the plot for this story all planned out but it's not completely finished yet. I have the first few chapters done so I wanted to start sharing this with you. I told you a long time ago that I was going to rewrite A New Beginning and make it longer, and before that I was going to write the sequel. Ever time I tried to write this it never seemed right. I finally figured out how I wanted it to go. I am so sorry for the wait but it's finally here. _

_Disclaimer: The Teen Titan's are owned by DC Comics and Warner Bros. Not by me (sniffle sniffle)._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

**Prologue**

Still leaning over his limp body, Starfire stared across the room into the murderous eyes of Karras. Her fist clenched on her lover's chest. Not again, she thinks to herself as she exhales sharply through her nose.

The corner of his mouth turns upward into a sneering half smile. She felt her body begin to quiver with hatred, her vision turning green as fury coursed through her veins. She leaned down further to place her lips to Nightwing's forehead before she stood up on her feet. Glowing green orbs grew in her hands as she held Karras' gaze. This man took so much from her. Four years that she will never get back. But more than that, she lost a part of herself. She will not allow him to take away even more.

Or escape this place with his life.

**Chapter One**

Thunder pounded against the glass of the greenhouse, any sunlight that had been shining now hidden behind dark clouds. Yet there sits a Tamaranean girl in amongst the greenery on the roof of Wayne Manor. Her shoulders shook as she exhaled a shuddering breath, her flight faltering as she tried to hold onto her happiness. Starfire had come to this spot at the far back of the solarium every day to meditate, and Dick would secretly stand in the perfect position to watch her. His hair dripped with water from his journey through the storm, but he had to make it into the greenhouse. He always came to watch her here. He would never interrupt her; he figured she needed this time alone. Since her memories have been resurfacing, Raven has insisted that Starfire spend time talking with her. He tried not to badger her into talking about them unless she wanted to, but he couldn't help but feel worried.

It was two weeks after the incident with the Joker and yet they remained at the manor at Bruce's insistence. He said that the Titan's were not fit for duty and could not return to the Tower in Jump City until he deemed them fit. Members of the Justice League agreed with him, so there were no strings that Dick could pull.

Starfire took to sleeping in his bed at night, and despite that jokes and innuendos that Victor and Gar threw at them, nothing sexual was happening. Dick understood completely. Not only was she going through a lot of emotional things at present, but they had also only just gotten together again. He knew that they couldn't jump back into the relationship they had when they were eighteen. They had to rebuild on what they had now.

But Starfire was cringing away from his touch, nearly jumping in fear when he would come up behind her to give her a hug or ever lightly touch her arm. She would apologize profusely but never gave him an explanation. He tried not to let it get to him, but he wasn't succeeding.

And now he stared at her back as she meditated alone. Whenever she retreated to her little corner of the greenhouse, she seemed more reserved. At first it seemed like her visits here were helping her open up, but now that were making her shut down even more.

All the memories that had been hidden away from Starfire and then repressed were coming back full force after their encounter with the Joker. His bomb had blown himself, Batman, Red Hood, and Starfire into the ocean where the Joker himself lost his life. Similar to the explosion that sent her flying off that oil rig in Jump City and set in motion the events that would prevent the Titans from seeing her for another four years. Bobbing along with the waves of the water that night, Starfire remembered when she was taken from earth by a Tamaranean ship captained by the newly appointed King Karras.

Then she began to remember some of her darkest times.

Dick would awaken at night to the screams of his girlfriend, immediately rising to console her. But then she would resign to an eerie silence, eyes wide and yet not seeing. The first few nights this happened, he would try to get her to talk. But his attempts were worthless so he settled with cuddling her and waiting until morning came and she returned the herself.

It was heartbreaking that she wouldn't talk to him.

He didn't know what to do anymore. Neither did Raven, which was even more troubling. They tried getting her out of the manor and do fun things as a group but she never seemed interested. She would sit with them in the manor if they were playing games or watching a movie, but they would never hear her laugh mix in with theirs. She was there and yet she wasn't.

And he couldn't take it anymore.

...

Starfire closed her eyes, but the darkness behind them was shrouded by her memories. Being taken by the Gordanian's as a peace treaty created by her own father, where she was to be transported to the Citadel. She would be whipped and touched and be called foul names, but truly her time there was not the worst of her experiences. She escaped their ship before she ever made it to the Citadel and returned home to a war-torn planet. Her father was furious with her return and in his attempt to send her back, was murdered by his own wife. Starfire's mother fought with her last breath to protect her child, but to no avail. In the end she was put to death and all three of her children were taken by a Psion ship.

Starfire wiped a tear that leaked down her cheek and tried unsuccessfully to push the memories away. The Psion's would haunt her nightmares for the rest of her life. They were contained in the worst conditions; small, contaminated cages where one would only dream of stretching their legs. But that cage was their safe haven. For when they were released from their insufficient chambers is when the torture began.

They called themselves scientists, but what the Psion's did was more than simple experiments. They pushed the natural green Tamaranean energy into the three royal children until it was an unnatural amount, and then kept going. Starfire remembered the tubes and needles stuck into her flesh, the probing of her body and the pain. Her body burned with the amount of energy and fire ran through her veins.

Blackfire blamed Starfire for all of it. If she had only stayed on the Gordanian ship and accepted the fate that awaited her at the Citadel, Mother wouldn't have killed Father. And then they wouldn't have killed Mother. And then they wouldn't have been captured by the Psion's. Starfire believed that it was her fault, and because of that, she found the strength to fight. She had to get her siblings out of there, especially poor little Darkfire.

She killed any Psion that stood in her way, managed to release Blackfire and Darkfire from their cages, and blasted a hole into the side of their ship. It was during the ruckus that the explosion caused that it happened. The piercing scream that she fought so hard to forget surged to the forefront of her memories. She collapsed from her floating position onto the stone of the greenhouse and placed her head in her hands.

She remembered hearing the scream of her brother just in time to turn around and see him killed by two Psion's. The evil creatures leered at her as they held the bloody and broken body of her little brother. Her screams were lost to the soundless space as her sister dragged her by the wrist. But she didn't take her eyes off that ship until it was finally out of sight.

Her shoulders shook again as a sob fought it's way through her chest.

She had failed him. It was all her fault.

…

"Raven!" cried a voice immediately after a strong surge of emotions. Gar "eeped" as Raven pushed away from the table and enveloped herself in her raven to transport to the roof. The scene she entered was overwhelming; Starfire screamed in the arms of Dick, who huddled over her protectively. He stroked her wet cheeks as she let out her never ending cry until she finally gulped in a breath, only to ring out another scream. Dick flicked his eyes up to Raven with a frantic and wild look. She moved onto the other side of Starfire and placed a hand on her forehead, and on her chest right above her heart. Her eyes glowed with power and Dick helplessly watched as she tried to ease enough pain from Starfire's heart so that she would allow Raven to put her to sleep.

The screaming ceased as Starfire's wide eyes finally closed, leaving an eerie silence in the greenhouse. Dick wiped the drying tears from the sleeping girls face and let out a shuddering breath.

"This can't go on any longer," he muttered, kissing Starfire's forehead before he moved to stand up. Raven followed him as he carried Starfire out of the greenhouse and through the rain. They made their way through the manor in silence until they reached Dick's room. He laid Starfire down on the bed and sat on the edge. Raven sat on the side opposite and looked at him expectantly.

"I was watching her meditate again," he began. His hands trailed over he hair as he spoke. "I could see she was beginning to cry. That had gone on for about fifteen minutes when she suddenly collapsed on the ground. I had started moving toward her to see what was wrong when the screaming began. I don't know what happened-"

"I felt a sudden sadness, it was very strong. There was guilt mixed in with that. It was utter despair, Dick, I've never felt anything like it coming from her."

"I just wish she'd talk to me," he said. "What do we do?"

"I'll... try talking to her again. When she wakes up. She needs to understand how unhealthy this is. If she ever wants to work as a Titan again, she needs to snap out of this and get back to training. I know that if she did, she would feel better." Raven touched her hand to Starfire's wrist and sighed.

Dick ran his free hand through his hair, mussing it up so it stuck out in every direction. "Yeah, that's true. It's just so God damn hard getting her to eat something let alone get down to the batcave to train."

"We've got to try harder," Raven said with a shrug of her shoulders. "I know it seems like we're doing everything we can, but there's got to be some one to get to her."

Silence hung in the air as they watched Starfire sleep. There would be no waking up with screams for her in this sleep spell, but Dick wondered if she still had nightmares. Raven must have felt his worry.

"No, she'll sleep peacefully. I've tried to get her to take my sleep spells before but she claims she doesn't need them. I forced this one on her."

"She needed it," Dick said reassuringly. "She never let's me touch her like this anymore." He ran his fingers along her cheek bone, down her neck, and trailed down her arm to take her hand in his.

"Give her time," Raven said. Dick sniffled and turned his head away so she couldn't see.

"We've lost so much time already," he whispered.

* * *

_This story starts out a bit darker, but I promise it won't be like this the whole time. Starfire has a whole lifetime of terrible memories flooding back all at once and it's overwhelming her. I changed up a bit of the lore so if you have any questions about anything PM me. _

_Just to let you know, I will be posting once every week. _

_Reviews!_


	2. Chapter 2

"If I could just get one more week..." Dick paced around his bedroom as he spoke on the phone with Bludhaven's chief of police. "But it's for a family emergency, I didn't expect to have to leave... You know me, sir, I don't just skip out on work. I need to be here right now... Because my mom took a bullet to the abdomen and I have to be here while she's recovering." He heard a snicker behind him and turned sharply. Selina was smirking at him from her wheelchair in his doorway. He spared her a small smile. "Yes, sir. I understand. Thank you." He sighed as he ended the call.

"Mom?" asked Selina and Dick smirked.

"You're old enough for the job," he retorted, faking a cringe as she rolled to him to deliver a smack on his arm.

"Well then you're grounded, kid." She followed behind Dick as he moved to the sitting area of his bedroom. "So that conversation didn't sound good," she said.

"Yeahhh," Dick sighed as he took a seat across from Selina's wheelchair. "It didn't go the way I hoped it would."

"They're calling you back in." She didn't say it as a question, but her expression asked for answers.

"Chief said I could have the rest of this week, but he expects me back on Monday." He leant his head into his hands. "I supposed I couldn't ask for any more. It's been nearly three weeks. And I had taken a long leave already this year for other "family issues" related to Batman."

"Ask her to go with you," said Selina. Dick didn't have to ask who she was talking about.

"I'm afraid... We just... It's only been a few weeks since we officially got back together. In fact, I'm not really sure if she considers me her boyfriend. We never got to have a real conversation, after the incident with the Joker and your recovery. And now whatever this is that she has going on, I just..." He trailed off and squeezed his eyes shut.

"She loves you. Very, very much, Dick." Selina rolled to him and placed her hand on his knee. He looked up at the only motherly figure he had in his life.

"I don't know anymore. She can hardly even look at me, Selina." His voice was quiet as he spoke. "She won't touch me, and she flinches when I try to touch her."

"She's going through something right now-"

"That she won't even talk to me about! I have no idea what's going on in her head, she won't speak to me, or even Raven for that matter. And I can't help her..." he trailed off, his voice breaking. Selina moved the hand she had on his leg to grab his hand.

"Have you expressed your concerns to her?" she asked him.

"I didn't want to add to her burden," he replied. She smiled sadly.

"You won't solve anything until you do. I know it's not easy, but you've got to start somewhere. Talk to her. That's the first step."

"I know," he said. He glanced at her stomach, where she had sustained a gun shot wound during their mission to find Starfire just weeks ago. "How are you feeling?"

She gave him a look. "There you go changing the subject. I feel fine. The wheelchair is by order of Bruce and Alfred. Raven says I'm safe to walk about without it. She's a fantastic healer, that one."

"I'm glad you're okay," he said, and her expression softened. She opened her mouth to speak, but there was a quiet knock from his doorway. He saw Selina smile brightly before he turned for himself to see Starfire at the door. She smiled tentatively, her arms wrapped protectively around herself. He immediately got up to greet her, Selina also wheeling herself over to Starfire.

"Hey," Dick said sweetly as he approached her. He knew better than to reach for a hug. Instead he stood awkwardly before her, Selina looking up between the two of them with a strange expression on her face.

"I best be going. I have a lunch date with Daddy Bat." Dick laughed at her as she winked and rolled away, shutting the door behind her.

"How about you, you ready for lunch?" he inquired, turning back into the room to lay on his large bed. He looked over to see Starfire still standing in front of his bedroom door, so he patted the spot next to him in invitation. She meekly made her way over to the other side of the bed and climbed on. "How are you doing today?" he asked, emptying his pockets of his wallet and cell phone onto his nightstand. When he heard a small sniffle, he looked over at Starfire.

"I am sorry," she whimpered.

"What? Why?" He scooted closer to her, careful not to touch her.

"Time has been passing," she said cryptically, ignoring Dick's confused expression. "Time has been passing and I have been sitting. I cannot even say that I have been watching, for I cannot recall a single memory of the past few weeks other than the ones that surface when I am meditating." She dropped her hands to her lap and twisted her fingers. "I have been locked in my own mind, and yet I am unable to think and feel. Now I am losing you because I cannot do the getting ahold of myself."

"What makes you think you're losing me?"

"I was listening." Dick could barely hear her voice, she was speaking so softly and she turned her head away from him. "I was about to enter your room when I heard you and Selina speaking, so I waited by the door for you to finish your conversation. And then I heard... I am sorry for the way I have been acting."

"Star, no, it's not your fault-" he interjected.

"Yes it is!" she snapped and looked back up to him. "It is all of my fault! It is I that suppressed my memories, and that is why they have come back in full force this way! I have taken my issues out on you by cringing from your touch! I have refrained from telling you the truth about my condition, about my life!" She sucked in a gasp and released it in a shuddering sob. "Oh, Richard I cannot do this anymore."

"Shhh, shhhh, it's okay." He wanted so badly to put his arms around her and pull her into his chest, but he feared that any move he made would set her off. "Please Star, all I want is to help you." He clenched his useless hands in frustration as he watched his love cry.

"I know. That is why I hate myself so much," she whispered. She looked him in the eyes, her own swimming in tears. "I am struggling to hold onto my sanity, Richard." Her words sounded forced, as if it hurt her to speak of what has been bothering her.

"Just tell me what's been going on. Tell me why you've been shutting yourself down, why I can't touch you..." He made sure she was watching as he moved his hand so his fingertips grazed her forearm. She tensed at his touch, but did not pull away like he thought she would.

"I do not know that I can," she admitted.

"Star, this isn't right. After what happened yesterday, you screaming hysterically and Raven having to put you to sleep... we need to do something about this. You're wasting away," he said, gesturing her thin frame. It had been gradually getting more difficult to get her to eat. She shied away from his gaze. "I don't know how to help you."

Starfire let out a short hysterical laugh. "And yet I believe that you are the only one that truly can."

"I'm not going to be able to if I can't understand what's going on, sweetheart." Dick angled his body towards her more, trying to get her to look at him again. "You're not okay."

"No," she whispered and tears threatened to spill over. "I am not." She let out a shuddering sigh. "It is the memories that have been resurfacing. I didn't know that I had been repressing them. And now I understand why."

"What memories, Star? I know that being in that cage that Jason put you in brought back to your time with the Gordanian's-"

"No," she said, halting him mid-sentence. He looked at her warily. "While my experiences with the Gordanian's were unpleasant, they are not the ones that haunt my dreams now."

"I don't understand."

"I do not expect you to," she said, "for I have done the keeping of it from you."

"Keeping what from me?" He watched her curl in on herself slightly. "What are you talking about, Starfire?" he demanded.

"The Gordanian's were not the only species to hold me captive," she began, refraining from meeting his eyes. "And while I am lucky to have been spared a life in the Citadel, thanks to your kindness when I first crashed on this planet, they are not the only vile creatures to be feared in the Vegan system."

"Star, I-"

"Shh," she whispered, signaling him with a finger to her lips. "Do not interrupt me, for I fear that if I do not get this all out right now, I never will." He nodded with narrowed eyes. "For a long time I have kept this a secret from you and the Titans. You have all believed me to be innocent to evil, for the most part. Yes, you know that I was held captive and to be transported to the Citadel, but I never relayed to you how that situation came to be. My father signed me away to the Citadel in a peace treaty, but before I could be delivered, I escaped. It was quite easy; they didn't expect me to be as smart and skilled as I was at only eleven earthen years. I had yet to complete my training with the Warlords of Okaara. I was able to sneak away through the ventilation system of the ship and out into space. When I arrived home, my people were ecstatic. But my father was furious. He had been arranging to have me taken again before my mother killed him in her attempt to protect me. And for that, she was put to death for treason.

"War erupted on our planet as the death of the royals encouraged the Gordanian's and the Citadel to attack Tamaran. Before we could be taken to safety, my sister Komand'r and my brother Ryand'r were abducted by the Psion's. On their ship, we were held in horrid conditions. Small, filthy cages. We were subject to the torture of our Keepers, the lower-level Psion's whose job was to watch over the "subjects". That is what we were to them. Test subjects." For a moment her eyes glazed over, but Dick waited patiently for her to return to herself. After a moment she cleared her throat.

"My apologies," she said. "They performed what they considered as experiments on us. On all of their captives. But we called it torture. Normally they would subject their captives to as much of this torture as possible until they died, all in the pursuit of more knowledge. But their treatments did not kill my siblings and I. Needles were injected down our arms and on our chests and abdomens. That is how they pushed natural Tamaranean green energy directly into our bodies. I could feel it burning through me, and I just waited for the fire to finally consume me and kill me. But it never did." Dick wondered if Starfire noticed that she was rubbing her hands up and down her arms. "I had to listen to Ry's screams of pain, my sweet little brother. He was only seven earth years old. Kom was fighting so hard to remain quiet and not let the monsters hear her pain. But the tears would not stop. I had to watch it all." Her hands shot up to her face, shakily wiping away the tears that had begun to fall.

"Eventually, when we had not perished from their experiments, they grew frustrated," she continued. I overheard one of them relaying their plans to finally terminate us. That is when I found the strength to be free." She sighed before looking at Dick. "Please do the forgiving of me. I never told you all of my past because I did not want to lie to you about this when I first began working as a Teen Titan." Her expression turned sad, even more so than it already had been and that worried him. "To escape from captivity, I had to kill. And I killed many. A creature was approaching me with another needle and I broke free from my binds. He was greeted by a fist in his chest. As was every other Psion that stood in my way as I released my siblings. Kom helped me as we fled the ship. I worked to destroy as many cages as I could to free the other captives. Both of us were trying to watch over Ry but it was so hard. They kept coming at us and..." A sob caught in her throat but she fought it.

"I was too slow," she whispered. "I was not watching and it was my fault." She fell silent for a long time, staring off, eyes filled with unshed tears.

"Star?" Dick prompted. She gasped sharply and released the sob in her chest. He could barely understand her words as she spoke through her cried.

"He was killed. Kom and I had made it out of the ship but they had caught him before we noticed. We turned around in time to see him fall limp in the creatures' arms. Kom had to drag me further away from the ship before the damage we had caused in our escape led to it's explosion. She blamed me for his death and for us being taken by the Psion's in the first place. She said that if I had just gone to the Citadel, none of it would have happened." She met his eyes and a tear slipped down her cheek. "And my little brother would still be alive."

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Star." Dick coaxed her into his arms and she finally gave in, allowing herself to be soothed by his touch. "I wish you would've told me a long time ago. Maybe I could've helped you through this now."

"I know, I know and I am so sorry," she whimpered into his chest. "I feel such a weight on my heart, the pain is settling and I do not want it to. Please, help me be free of it, Richard."

"Okay," he said, knowing that it wasn't enough. "For now, just let me hold you. Cry as much as you need and I'll be here the whole time." Dick felt Starfire nod her head against him. He settled back onto the bed, pulling her along with him. She let him keep his arms around her and for that he was thankful. "I love you," he whispered against her hair. But her rippling sobs prevented her from answering. He was content to wait out the storm until she was ready to face what was next.


End file.
